Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
