I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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