so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
