my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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