how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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