there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am one with the molecules
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
