I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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