my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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