her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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