whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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