Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
