I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize