I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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