Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
