I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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