help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
