I would go down on you faster than GM stock
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
