Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
