What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
