apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We had to coat check the pizza.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
pray to the hookup gods
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Come on in and take your pants off
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