i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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