You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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