you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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