somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
