Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize