i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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