my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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