And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
