What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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