At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
