just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
