I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
