masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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