You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
