why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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