in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
