i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
