My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize