Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
