it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize