smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
did i walk over a car last night?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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