He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
