I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
