Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
