Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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