Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
