Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
