With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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