I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
