I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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