You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
