No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
