I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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