Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
