May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
