Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
