I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
