and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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