I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
