Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize