when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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