This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
