its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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