My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize