I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
