You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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