He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
