He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
