she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
