listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
