so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
