Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I smell stomach acid.
you would pick up someone in the library
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
