Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize