..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
