jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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