Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
