if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
