he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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