Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
